Worried about being “trapped” in elevator shoes / height increasing shoes?

Saturday, November 9, 2019

One interested question I received about elevator shoes / height increasing shoes was from someone asking expressing a concern that they’d be “trapped” in them.


Specifically, they were concerned about the idea about going on a first date wearing elevator shoes.  After all, even if it went well, doesn’t that now mean that you *have* to show up in each subsequent date wearing the same lifts?  Does that mean you’re basically “stuck” wearing your elevator shoes every time you go out with your partner?


In my personal experience, the answer is no—with some caveats.


Generally speaking, you might feel most comfortable continuing to wear your elevator shoes for the first few dates, just to be able to stay as relaxed and undistracted as possible.  For many people, the first few dates can feel stressful enough as it is, without needing to add on another factor of worrying about how your date might react to a sudden shift in height, especially if it’s significant, in the event that you’re wearing a 4 inch elevator shoe or a 5 inch elevator shoe.


On the flip side, does that mean that you’re trapped in them forever?  Thankfully, no. 


As you go out together more often, and especially after you’ve become more intimately connected, it will become more and more obvious that you’re wearing height increasing shoes.  The good news, though, is that the two of you will become more and more emotionally connected at the same time.  In my experience, that’s meant that by the stage that you’d begin to worry about being “trapped” in elevator shoes, or worried about being limited in what you can do together (for example—what happens if you go to the beach and you have to take your shoes off!?) she already knows and frankly doesn’t care.


The truth is, elevator shoes, whether they’re 2 inch lifts or 5 inch height increasing shoes, aren’t “sealing the deal” for you.  Their main function—at least when it comes to dating—is to avoid being instantly rejected, consciously or unconsciously, before you have a chance to let your personality shine through.


Contrary to everyone who’d love to tell you to just “be your best self” or “just love yourself” or whatnot, it’s simply human nature to make impulse, superficial decisions, whether they’re even aware of it or not. 


Thankfully, though, those biases can usually be outweighed by practical experience. 


Anyone with any real world experience in dating in today’s world can confirm how wildly different our first impressions can be from reality.  In a world of Instagram photos, beauty filters, and dating apps, almost everyone is hard at work creating a cultivating image of themselves to create the best, most ideal versions of themselves and their lives.  It’s almost taken for granted now that people will look different than their “picture perfect” profile selves in person. 


Yet, in those moments, even when we notice all of the slight imperfections that they tried to hide, we discover so many more things; a great sense of humor, an adorable smile, a charming accent, intelligent, charisma…the list goes on.  And somehow, over and over, those dozens of little discoveries seem to often outweigh any “disappointments” we might find between photoshop and reality.


Unfortunately, almost all of those discoveries would be impossible to see or to know from a photograph, or a brief, first encounter.   The truth is, all of the crazy, ridiculous work that goes into photoshoping and finding perfect angles and using fashion and style to create an exaggerated version of your “best self,’ that can seem so ridiculous after the fact, absolutely influences our first impression and first instincts of how to proceed or interact with someone.


And exactly the same can be said for wearing elevator shoes / height increasing shoes.  A woman isn’t “insecure” for tweaking her beauty features in her photo to give the best first impression, to get the best possible chance of getting someone she’s attracted to sending her a message or being drawn to her, and you aren’t for wanting exactly the same for yourself.


Likewise, you’re not going to lose interest in an incredible, passionate connection you’ve made with someone over discovering they wear a Wonderbra or hide a scar; so why do you think they’d do the same after they “find out” you toss in a lift in your shoe?


As a general rule, if you ever have a really negative reaction from someone you’re attracted to over them “discovering” that you have a height lift or wear an elevator shoe, the odds are 99 to 1 that there were a whole lot of other reasons why things fell through for the two of you that had absolutely nothing to do with height.


So just treat them as what they are—an amazing way to open the door for you, and allow you to not get turned away by an unconscious rejection before you have a chance to shine, and she realizes how irrelevant any height difference might be compared to everything else you have to offer.

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